What to do if your partner suddenly has low libido?

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Before we start, it is important to understand that everyone’s desire for sex isn’t the same all the time. In a relationship, your sex drive isn’t always going to match your partner’s. It’s common for couples to experience times when one partner has a high desire for sex and the other has a lower desire. While this doesn’t mean there’s something inherently “wrong” with you or your partner, it can put a damper on your sex life and relationship.

‘Don’t feel it is a personal slight; your partner very likely still loves you and finds you desirable....a declining sex life may expose underlying problems that can be easily remedied.’

1- What does having a low libido mean?

Sexual compatibility is not a fixed concept. People are constantly changing, and with them, so are their libido levels and desires. Certain life events, hormone changes, or behavioral changes can cause changes in a couple's sexual compatibility.
There are many reasons why a person may decline or not be interested in having sex. No matter what the reason is, it is important to remember that sexual desire does not represent love. Just because one partner is not wanting to have sex as much as the other, it does not mean that they love them any less. If you are committed to doing the work to overcome sexual challenges, then there is help out there for you.

2- My partner is not as inclined towards sex as he used to be. What do I do?

a. First, try to identify why is your partner not wanting to have sex. Identifying what is going on in his/her own head will help you to better communicate with your partner, which will result in improving your sex life as a couple.

b. This may be a difficult task for you because the reasons for not wanting to have sex can be complex. There may be a lot to unpack and this is why it’s a great time to seek help from a professional to help you through the process.

c. If you are unsure where to start, here are some common reasons for having a low sex drive:

• Being stressed
• Certain medications
• Communication problems/ anger issues/ emotional rift between partners
• Excessive drinking/substance abuse
• Depression

d. A therapist can walk your partner through steps that will help him/her deal with any mental health issue or crisis he/she may be dealing with.

e. If his/her libido is changing due to medication, talk to a doctor to see if there are other options that your partner could try. Sometimes it takes some trial and error to find the right fit.

f. Most importantly, talk to your partner. If something is troubling him/her or you wants to try something different, let them know.

g. Your partner may think that all you want is sex, but it’s important to remember to communicate with them that you may be reaching out to have sex as a sign that you want attention and intimacy from them. Physical touch may be your love language, so refraining from sex may be more difficult but, your partner needs to understand that.

h. This, of course, does not mean that your partner should force themselves to have sex that they don't want to have. Rather, it means that it may mean something different to your partner, like introducing touch and contact in a different way.

3- What is the conclusion?

Low sex drive in a relationship doesn’t have to be a curse. Through communication, understanding, and some hard (but probably fun) work, you and your partner can get through this low point and have a healthy sex life that works for both of you. Remember, it is important to seek professional help!